Back in the Sadle Again

•July 2, 2006 • Leave a Comment

So here I am back to regular blogging; (well let’s not kid ourselves, I was never a regular blogger but in any case here I am).

So much has happened this past month. I could recount it all but frankly, I find that too overwhelming. Here’s a quick overview: class retreat- good- found four leaf clover:P, Catholic Stewards Day- not what I’d envisioned but successful none-the-less, OSTA-AECO AGM- amazing! a ton of fun! such amazing ppl!, Mini-Forum Reunion in T.O.- so so great!! I could cry I miss my forumers SO much!, Awards Banquet- i don’t even want to go there! All I can say is nepitism sucks!!, Last Senate meeting- not sentimental, extremely productive, still so much senate stuff to do, Exams-studying was interesting:P they went quite well, Writer’s Craft online course- procrastination, my middle name, never again!, Last School Board meeting- missed it!!! heartbroken still!!, Fireworks- fun, UOttawa- know so many people going, got my room, dying to move! so excited!, Graduation- amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say this past month has been full of varied emotions and a lot of reflection on life now, then and in the future. Frankly as I look back at this past year I have a great deal of difficulty recalling 80% of what happened. It’s all a blur. But perhaps for that’s for the best. For now I shall be content with what faces, and what I must do to prepare.

And that folksĀ is the month of June in short. Hense forth my blog will cease to be about myself, but rather about things in the world around me, my thoughts, feelings, opinions and ideas about that world, and my occassional life recap, more along the lines of the June one stated above as opposed to my former style of thorough point-form detailing, (what a contradiction- point-formed and detailed!).

Summer Goal: blog daily!

The Dance

•June 15, 2006 • 1 Comment

This is a short story I wrote for my Writer's Craft course. Enjoy! No blogging until after exams, which end next friday. Until then…

I hated being alone. Not because I am codependent but because everyone had someone and I didn’t. Jealousy is the sole reason behind all of my actions. Of course, this had not always been the case. I can still recall the time in my life where I did what I wanted simply because that was what I wanted to do. At this point, my thoughts ran ramped with envy- this burning desire to be the best and to have the most, the most and the best of what everyone else has.

She was beautiful; beautiful and perfect in every sense of the words. Both inside and out she had everything that one could ever desire. I wanted that. I wanted the beauty and the perfection that encompassed her being. I wanted to be her.

The day was young, as was I. I knocked on her door, a knock that’s force vibrated through my chubby hand. In order to become her, I needed to get to know her, to study her. In order to be her friend I needed her to like me. And so I stood waiting for her face to appear through the thin netting in place of the open door, a clear indication of her presence in the house.

I closed my eyes picturing her face- every line soft and subtle, every contour distinctly visible, eyes wide and gleaming, open to the world with a bold air, lips plump and sculpted, with an ever-present, iconic, smile of satisfaction, hair glistening, even in the most dimmed of lights, soft and following past small well arched shoulders.

My eyes opened slowly, stuck together with the dew of the warm summer’s day. There she stood, the smile of satisfaction on her face.

“Hello,” the words soft yet joyful, “This is unexpected! What a great surprise! How are you?” Her enthusiasm was not visible across her calm face, only apparent through the tone of her voice. She did not speak often. She caught me by surprise.

“Hello. Um, I just was on my way to the mall. I wanted to see…if you would like to join me. I need an outfit for school dance and… well… I figured your advice would be very useful…would you…would you like to come with?” Stutter. Stutter is my middle name. Not often. Not when I am speaking in public; not when I am speaking to an adult; but now, when I am speaking to beauty and perfection.

Shock and stutter also took effect when she agreed to join me on our shopping venture. She grabbed her bag of green straw and gold threads, slipped on her metallic sandals and off we went. That is part of her perfection. She need not ask when to leave or when to go out. She was perfection. Even her parents knew that.

We arrived at the mall. This place was not my friend. It was my doom. It was the place where my thoughts and emotion of envy thrived. It was where they had been born.

I brought her here for a reason. Not to search for an outfit, but rather to show her off; to show to the world that I had somebody too. And now here we were, together. No one stared at us or took too much notice. Perhaps they thought I was a relative or sibling. But it was certainly not the atmosphere of shock and awe that I had envisioned. But regardless, there we were.

We were drawn into the most obvious store for youth such as ourselves. I had never been there. I had never been at this store, with its mannequins seductively dressed and poised in the window, the music of chart-topping hip-hop artists resonating throughout, clothing and décor in colours of a coffee shop, and prices, the clothing equivalent of Starbucks.

She was at home here. Eagerly, she searched for an outfit. What would she select I wondered. Curiously, I watched her every move, careful not to close my eyes as not to fall into the trap of shock and stuttering.

“Oh! I found something! You’ll love this!” she bounced back toward me with dark denim jeans and a white and pink striped polo shirt, the very ones as those that were on the mannequin. She had laid them out in front of me.

I wanted them, but to purchase them right away would surely reduce our time together. To try them on would prove to be a greater issue. I did not want her to see me try things on.

“They’re very cool,” I said energetically. “Let’s look at some other stuff …just to be safe.” She giggled. Cute and soft, her giggle was hard to interpret. Every indicator showed that she was a sweet girl, but my paranoia said otherwise. I giggled too, and we continued to look. Soon we had picked out three such outfits- all trendy, all stylish, all for me. Everything is always all for me, but I had never felt special this way before. I bought them all. I bought them all, eager to wear them, eager to show them off.

After I paid for the items and we walked out the store together, I turned to her and stuttered, “At the dance…who…who are you going with…I mean which friends…’cause I really have no one…to go with that night…my friends…my friends aren’t going…they don’t dance much.” I didn’t want to hear her reply. I knew I would be humiliated. I knew that I would shrink down to how small and insignificant I was in her life. My mind begged her not to speak.

She spoke; soft and polite as always, “I am going with a group of people. You are more than welcome to join us.” The smile on her face, the smile of satisfaction was still there, but it was beginning to ware. She was tiring of me. I knew our time together was through. I didn’t want to force her to spend any more time with me. I wanted her to enjoy our time together at the dance. So we quietly parted ways. I had urged her to let me make my way home alone. I had homework, as did she, and leaving together would have proven to be a hassle.

I didn’t go to school the next day. Dance day. I was sick; sick to my stomach at the thought of being with her and her friends so soon. I was nervous-excited. I spent the day in my room trying to conserve my energy for the night; the night where my life would surely change.

I sat there in my room dreaming- fantasizing. I couldn’t wait to be on that dance floor. I have someone now too. And everyone would see and know that soon enough.

The sun was beginning to lower and the sky was beginning to darken. And I was beginning to get anxious. I put on my shirt, the one she had first picked out for me. I had never worn pink before. It blended beautifully with my skin, now a colour of pink, that of blushing and not of sheer skin. It was difficult to get the clothes on, but I managed. I thought of the night ahead. I thought of how my life would change. I thought of perfection. Putting those clothes on was the closest I’d ever been.

I arrived at the dance and made my way to the gym, along my usual route past the vending machines, which stood nearby. Today the walls were shrouded with posters, banners and crate paper. My heart began to race.

What I had assumed would happen at the mall was happening here-stares- stares from every direction. But I wasn’t with her. I was by myself. Shock is what people felt seeing me here. But I couldn’t care less. Soon enough they would see that I had someone too, that I was here just like all of them.

As I entered the gym, my eyes darted furiously back-and-forth. For the first time the thought entered my mind: what if she didn’t come? I didn’t know what I would do if she didn’t come. How would I react? Where would I go? What would people think? My heart was beating at an unbelievable rate.

I felt as though the pounding against my weak chest would certainly suffocate my breathing. My chest tightened. What was I going to do?! My hands were sweaty, the sweat thick enough to prevent me from grabbing anything to stop my inevitable collapse. 

Suddenly, a tap on the shoulder. I flinched. My arms whipped back. My heart plummeted. And then I saw her face-perfection- every line and contour, her eyes, her lips and her hair, all with a new shine and gleam, all soft and stunning. At the sight of this beauty and perfection, my pain was relieved. My day had come. It was real now.

We stood by and talked, chatted. We chatted about the decorations, about the dance organizers, and about the people who were there. The decorations were typical, yet festive. The dance organizers had done a good job in their preparations, and the people who were there were beginning to stare. I was thrilled.

Their stares validated all my hard work at getting here. They affirmed my belief in the shallowness of my peers- which was fine by me! A grin came over me. My face was open and bright. I was thrilled and I wanted everyone to know this. They did.

Then something even more shocking occurred. She turned to me, “Would you like to dance?” No one had ever asked me that before. I had never heard those words. I had never danced. Did I know how? I did not know. But I knew that this was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.

Before my mind could process a response, before I got over the shock, she had taken me by the chair and had rolled me to the centre of the dance floor. There, in the heart of the gym, we twirled around. We danced.  

You Know You’re An Arab When…

•June 6, 2006 • 105 Comments

A friend sent this to me today….LOVE it!….applies to me 95%! It's sooo disturbingly true!

You Know Your Arab When…… (only arabs will get this)

You have a Sitto always cooking for you

You go to Arabic Resturants, tell the owners your Arab, and think you're
going to get free food.

You fight over who's going to pay the bill

You act like you want to pay, but in reality you hate to pay

You would never call it Pita Bread

you know what the debki, a hafli, and a derrbakki is/are

You say "bolice" and "bastor" for "police" and "pastor."

You smoke as if it were your last day on earth…and you only smoke Marlboro.

You cook a meal that lasts 3 days.

Your father swears at you with words that effect himself (Ibnil Kalb). (so true)

You have 500,000,000 cousins.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

At weddings it takes the bride and groom 4 hoursto kiss all the guests

You have a gold necklace of your name written in Arabic.

Your middle name is your father's first name.

If you are male, you're named after your grandfather or great-grandfather.

You play cards till the break of dawn.

You can't have a meal without bread.

You never run out of bizzer. (seeds)

You get offended when Americans call Arabic bread "Pita bread"

You teach your American friends Arabic word (mostly bad ones) and get happy when they use them in normal conversations.

Your Mom has a creative nickname for you like "Natoosheh," or "Tuntooneh."

You have a difficult Arabic name so you come up with an Americanized version of it like "Sam" or "Mike."

You have someone tell you your fortune through your coffee cup.

You love Um Kalthoom and if you don't, your dad makes you listen to her and tries to translate the words into English so you can appreciate her as much as he does.

You get really happy and call the whole family to the room when there is a special or documentary on Arabs or anything Arabic related on CNN or PBS.

You bump Arabic music at all times

Your dad eats mensef with his hands and forces his son to "join the men

You or your relatives own a grocery store, liquor store, restaurant, or gas station

You eat hummus at least 4 times a week

You watch the hell out of Arabic Satellite

You own and/or play the tubleh

Your favorite food is wara' dawali, but you are embarrassed to tell your friends that you ate leaves for dinner (for those of you who don't know what wara; dawali is its grape leaves)

You make Turkish coffee before leaving home to work, at the office, before lunch, after lunch, when having guests, before the guest leave, after the guests leave and before you go to bed.

You still have stored suitcases of clothes that you used to wear when you were five.

Everyone is a family friend.

If you are 25 and unmarried, your parents make you feel that you are getting old.

You ask your dad a simple question, and he answers by telling the story of how he used to walk miles just to get to school

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Arabic.

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted at you because they keep staring.

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea.

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.

You have at least thirty cousins.

You have a 4 cousins, an uncle, a brother-in-law and 7 friends named Mohammed.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal. …all arabs are late- all the time!

You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

You say bye 17 times on the phone.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.

Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see at least twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of…the royal family.

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother (not true but its funny)

Why Procrastination is a Pain in the You-Know-Where

•June 2, 2006 • 1 Comment

The HWK Weekend from HELL!!!

So, this weekend is the Student Senate's much anticipated Catholic Stewards Day! I'm excited!!!…but besides that…this is pretty the weekend from HELL!!! As I have SO much hwk and SO much general work to do it's INSANE!…so if pretty much don't talk to me unless it's CSD related…here is my weekend to-do list, in case  ur curious, or in case you think I am exaggerating… June 2nd-4th1.doc

The Blog Diaries

•May 28, 2006 • 4 Comments

Just noticing how personal these blogs are getting, certainly not my intent when I initially began blogging…book idea: "the blog diaries"! cute, eh?! I smell bestseller…of course not my blog…something more provocative…but great title tho!…anywho….just a note to readers: less self-absorbed blogs to come once time frees up…right now this is my outlet for the my overwhelming amounts of emotions and a venue to vent from stress…blog diaries…

Another Week in the Life of…ME!

•May 28, 2006 • 1 Comment

My life as it is now: hwk…senate work…commencments…bittersweet rollar coaster emotions…ottawa fantasies…

The week started off slow, with insane amounts of hwk and boredom…although I was invited to hangout with friends I didn't have the energy…is that bad? I don't have the energy to hangout with friends here…i just don't!…I'd rather be with people from Forum or friends that I'll be going to Ottawa with…I mean it's like prom…it was nice but AGM and FGM and Forum were 100x's better! …hense the boredom…talked with a friend, who also knows about my bi friend and the other two guys…yeah…i've decided that i don't care…It doesn't matter or bother me anymore…and if I fall for a guy who's bi, so be it!…yeah I've grown a lot this past week or so…a lot! (a lot I haven't shared…) been talking to the guy more and more lately…so amazing to have such a great friend!

Tuesday was insanity! I went to school where I worked an insane amount on hwk, ST emailing in preparation for a Senate presentation to the board…I left school during 4th…when I rushed home I did mass amount of work on prep for my presentation…then I went to the bank…got a visa card…rush home made a Senate powerpoint in an hour…dressed in 5minutes…and went to the board office…there I met with my ST alt and designate and the senate supervisor then the my senators came and we worked on our presenation…the presentation rocked!!! the trustees LOVED it!:D it's was awesome!…after the presentation all the senators got certificates for their work and we took pics…then the board meeting got underway…one of the, if not the, best ever! it was awesome! hahahaha….great debate and drama! I accidently got myself in the middle of one too:S hahaha… two trustees were agruing and the remarks got personal and they started speaking out of line and the chair flipped out on them! meanwhile I had my hand up and was next on the speakers list…so the  chair goes "i am going to Amy next. She asked politely! amy!" :P…funny thing: my comments were one the side of the main instigator of the argument…good times! anyways…the board meeting rocked…asked the superintendent a hard question…gave a kickass report at the end…and was almost gonna cry at the thought of leaving all of it!!! …the ST designate was great! he was like "wow! I can do this for 5 more hours!!"….we'd been at the board office since 4:30 in the afternoon and left at 10:30:P hahaha…i love it soooo much! One more left! *tears* …*water works* :P…went home to hwk and sleeping on the couch!:P

On Wednesday I went on a law field trip to a murder trial…it was quite boring! there was voir dire, a trial within a trial, on some distorted evidence…yes, sounds good…but it wasn't…again, I found myself tired of school friends…perferring some alone time…yay starbucks…then I went hime to hwk…and a band practise then band exec. meeting…concert is tomorrow…i was excited!…then more hwk to the max.! plus! putting together a powerpoint for the concert…pics from this year's trip to Chicago…funny thing is calling up ppl at 11pm and they're all asleep:P …so used to forum and ST friends up till 2am..bedtime for me: 5am…oh well…i put it together and our director loved it!:D…

My final concert came on thursday! not exactly sad yet…but i will soon…my last time playing or singing in public *tear*….thursday was madness…7:30am choir…preparing and setting up for the concert…then sound check…setting up powerpoint:S….man! can u say slave labour?!…it was sweltering hot at school and moving everything…yuck!…While setting up it was brought to my attention that Catholic Stewards Day may see some very low attendance…I'm starting to freakout!!!!…then show time…we performed great! starting with the graduates (which includes me) performing O'Canada…all our sets rocked!…then the grad. tribute…touching! extremely sweet and touching!!…starting to feel a little sad….then afterwards we all went to hangout at Dirty Jeresy's which was a blast! despite the crazy young sports drunks! like what are u doing here at 11pm on a thursday?! get a life!:P…anywho…it was fun!…got home at 12am…been out since 7:30…taking friday off!!!…

I signed myself out of classes for the first time ever on Friday:D…slept in and caught up on sleep…then worked on ST work…research ST policies and election processes…and then went to the board office to meet with the communications director:)…we're now starting a Student Senate website!!:D so pumped!…then the day was spent doing hwk, ST work: uniform survey tallying, CSD prep, etc. …

Music…how i love it! and how i love it more when i know the singer/composer! Dave sent me his newest song…he said he thinks of me when it comes to that song because of my speech at the end of forum…the song is amazing! **gosh! i miss forum**…FFD in full swing again!…Dave is such an amazing singer too…that boy will be famous someday! he's so talented!…FFD!!!…then! randomly, one of fav ST friends, Ian, sent me his summative music assignment, Provacation for Unaccompanied Quartet…shocked at his talent! had no idea! and man! is he creative! that is one funky song!…anywho…lovin the music!…FFD and STFD (student trustee friends deprival:P)….

Visited some friends tonight that i haven't seen in a while…we had a great time hanging out…on the way over all i was thinking was- god i hope we can still have fun without my jaded ego getting in the way:P and we did:D…me and kyle were talking today…millennium sucks!:P hahaha…he got a provincial and i have a local…and well…there are amazing ppl who got zero…and there are ppl who don't deserve more than a local who got a national!…kinda bitter…i feel like i earned and deserve more…man! i gotta stop thinking in dollar signs! starting to sound like a conservative!:P…dying for summer! put together a reading list today while watching You've Got Mail for the 100th time…great hwk distraction…anywho, I'll post the list soon…and that's how the rest of the weekend has been…hwk and Senate work and Cardinal Voice work…

yeah…sounds boring in text…but i feel a little burnt out and stressed …(at least 60 emails written this week…lord knows how many recieved!)….i think things will be better once CSD is over…not so prepared…kinda scared :S…omg! i hope we can pull this off! here's hoping!

 Catholic Stewards Day- Saturday June 3rd! Sign up now!

The Way I See It #53

•May 27, 2006 • 1 Comment

I heart Starbucks! Here is the Starbucks "The Way I See It #53" which I totally love!

Be exceptional. Make tremendous efforts to be extraordinary. What a privilege to be here on this planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Just make sure you do so…