So it’s 4am and…

So, it’s 4 am and I am wired! Thank goodness! Because there is sooo much to do that exhaustion, or simply sleep, is not an option!

In this, the last year before the commencement of my post-secondary education, I ask myself , far too often, “why, oh why do they have to put us hrough this hell?!?!” It’s not bad enough that our grades have to be top-notch so that we can enter into post-secondary education institutions, but we are entrusted with the responsibility of applying to them and then financing the next four (or in my case 7) years of our lives! Does anyone else find this somewhat unfair?! Plus! Plus, we have to keep up all of our extracirricular activities if want any chance of receiving financial aid or acceptence to certain programs. “Why oh why?!”

None of this is to say that I don’t enjoy what I do, because the truth of the matter is this is going to be, and thus far has been, the most eventful and enjoyable year of my life. However when you sit back and look at it all, you really start to wonder: “am I really enjoying this?” I mean how can you enjoy your last year as a “child” if you’re so eager for your first year as an “adult”? How is that you can enjoy your last months of your mommy feeding and taking care of you if you are spending all your time filling out applications to receive money so that you can be sheltered and feed and taught for the next several years of your life? It just seems to be all too much. We have been planning for the end since the beginning and are now chanelling through the most crucial point of our lives, almost simultaneously experiencing both commencement and initiation.

I feel an emotional, physcological, and possible physical, overload coming on! Anyone else or have I lost it? 

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~ by amytalk on January 17, 2006.

9 Responses to “So it’s 4am and…”

  1. Amy. Take a breather. I was pushing myself to hard and last month i was REALLY sick. I had to miss a week of school and go back to school against doctors orders. Just take a few days to get caught up on sleep.

  2. Hi, Amy….i’ve read on your blog about the election in Canada…I don’t know your Country,yet….but soon i want to came there…my friend (best friend) was born there…even if now she live in Italy like me, but we want to visit Canada…soon!!!!
    Bye…Titty from Italy….I’ve put a link of you on my blog…
    came and visit me… http://www.jaty.wordpress.com
    see you soon!!!
    (sorry for my english…)

  3. Thanks for visiting my site. I hope you liked it. It makes me sooo happy hear how much you like Canada. It is such an amazing country and I strongly encourage you to follow your dream of living here.
    Tnx for reading my blogs! I added your link to my site, too! I

  4. Heather, thank you for the wonderful advice. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only one who drives herself crazy. And I promise as soon as these exams are over I will skip the first couple days of semester two to catch up on sleep! 😛 just kidding! But I am really going to work on de-stressing. You are right, blogs are quite theraputic.

  5. Oh, babe, I hear you. When you love what you do, it’s great at any hour of the night or morning – but there are days when you’re left to wonder why and what you got yourself in to. They sure happen, and they’ll no doubt continue to.

    Rest assured that the days will come when you look back on it all and smile. Heck, I’m doing it right now. “How the HELL did I pack that much into that year?” you’ll ask yourself again and again and you’ll never get any answer other than “because I was passionate about what I did.”

    I promise you will NOT remember each hour during which you worked when you should have slept. You’ll know that they happened and they weren’t completely fun, but beyond them you’ll moreso remember the challenging tests you aced, a meeting that went fantastically your way, the policy you pushed for or result of the conference you planned, or that little complement from a student or adult that made your day – because it reminded you that what you do with your life is important and has had an impact on others.

    And the elusive overload: it’s easy to say “the time to relax is when you don’t have time for it” (favourite quote of mine actually) but let’s get real. No matter how well you manage your time, it happens. Again and again. Over time you develop methods to the madness… to each her own, but may I suggest?

    ANTI-PHYSICAL OVERLOAD

    –> Exercise. Probably the last thing you’ll want to make time for, and while it sounds light and fluffy, the whole bit about improved circulation and metabolism and clearing your head is so so so true. I wish I had made time for it last year. I knew better, but always told myself I’d do it later. This year, conversely… it’s proven true again and again. I took an hour out of a crazy day to go kickboxing yesterday. That time plus a longer than usual hot shower – despite the time I took out of my day – allowed me to get more done in total than if I had spent that entire time working. More alert, feeling better and happier… huge change in productivity.

    –> WATER. Not hard. 8 glasses. The late-night hours and dehydrating effects of caffeine need some help! And, let’s face it. The two minute pee breaks every half hour can help you, uh… refocus? Helps with the eye problem as follows.

    –> Eyedrops. Yeah, you laugh now. 3 hours of sleep equals very very dry eyes in the morning. This is part of why you can’t keep them open. This is the last resort, “I can’t function but I’ll do everything I can to pretend” method. However if you do this more than once every week, then you’re ACTUALLY burning yourself out in the long term. no good. Last resort.

    ANTI-PSYCHOLOGICAL OVERLOAD

    –> Medidations. Laugh again if you will. Remind me to send you these tracks. Your MP3 player leading you through a magical forest to a river where, in fake time, you sit for an hour and watch the waves is actually the most recharing 10 minutes you could ever have. Amazing to get your mind off stuff and help sleep or power nap as well. I know, I know, sounds fruity. But can’t be knocked until you try it!

    –> Plan. Everything looks more feasible when written on a calendar. There actually are enough hours in the day (or so I’m told…?) Plotting out a plan of attack and prioritizing what realy can wait till tomorrow puts the mind at ease.

    ANTI-EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD

    –> umm give up now.

    No really. it’s a tough one. In reality you don’t actually have much time for friends, so all I can say is hugely appreciate the ones with whom you feel 150% alive and treasure those moments. That’s the recharging that keeps you going.

    –> Shut up about it. Sorry, sounds a bit harsh, but sums it up. Reminding yourself and others about how much you have to do, how little time you have, and how stressed you are will only make things seem worse, more negative, more impossible to you and those around you. A positive attitude makes a WORLD of difference.

    PAY NO ATTENTION

    There’s nothing I hate more than the parental “you’re going to burn out, you have to do less” speech. Sounds nice, but as peers I think we can all admit that it’s not whatsoever an option. While they may be right in some ways, YOU are the one to decide your personal priorities. It’s part of growing up. And part of letting go.

    And blog to your heart’s content!

    …and ladies and gentlemen there you have the beginning of the article-that-should-have-been in the ST binders. I kid you not, I was going to start up a list of crazy burnout avoidance and recovery methods…

    Disclaimer: I write about time management on 4.5 hours sleep, with a cappucino in hand, Powerade in the backpack (better than water for quick serious dehydration recovery), moderately dry eyes, and while I should be studying. But hey, admitting the problem is the first step, right?

    Take care hun. Keep loving life!

    “Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.” -Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

    “Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” -Pooh’s Little Instruction Book

    “Maturity is achieved when a person accepts life as full of tension.” -Joshua L. Liebman

    “When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”” -Sydney J. Harris

    “It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.” -Confucius

    “Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.” -Swedish proverb

  6. Natalie, thank you for that awsome advice! I will definately start to apply as much of it as I can! seriously! And I soo love how all your commentary on last year applies almost 100% to my days now :D. I also appreciate your honesty: drink that cappucino with pride!:P And you’re absolutely right; I should adopt a more positive attitude. In honor of that I will post a positive blog/blog category! 😀

    Coming Soon: “The Silver Lining”

  7. I have totaly just copied that…hahahah i will remember those Natalie for exec all nighters 😛

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